K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
