Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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