were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
