is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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