these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
