when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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