dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
