I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
