3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
