sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
