i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
