he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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