How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
