this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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