He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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