Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
4 words: hood of his car
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
