She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Boobs speak an international language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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