and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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