On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
