He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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