the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
