Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
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Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
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I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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