I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
