I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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