i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
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Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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