i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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