We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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