Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
