i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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