he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I can't turn off my feet"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
