I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
