i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize
