i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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