I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
