I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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