My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
