Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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