He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
