Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
