6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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