hell yes lets make some ravioli
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
