The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
