Will you blow on my dice?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
