I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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