Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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