I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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