I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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