While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
