We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
