Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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