haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
