so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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