our cab driver is having phone sex.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
