so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
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He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
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I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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