I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
