i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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