I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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