It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
