dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it's like heaven, but drunker
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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