I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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