He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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