Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
