i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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