do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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