So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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