he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
