do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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