Screwed.edu
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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