I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
