U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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