Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I am available for nakedness
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
