Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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