We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
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24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
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i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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