I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
