i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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