I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
