I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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