Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
