This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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